Monday, 15 June 2009

Torchwood, Children Of Earth

As much as all the unneccesary post-watershed snogging in series 1 put me off a little, I will still watch Torchwood as I'm a huge Dr Who fan.

I thoroughly enjoyed a whole four days of Captain Jack getting shot, coming back to life, getting blown up, coming back to like, getting encased in a perfect cube of concrete and coming back to life without it filling up his many overused orifices or drying out his perfectly smooth delicately moustourised arse.

I say I enjoyed four days because quite frankly I'd rather have been left with the cliffhanger at the end of episode 4 than the tragically disappointing finale that may as well have consisted of the Americans telling the 456 "Hey you know what we've got a really huge weapon that can blow up your planet so you'd better skidaddle" to which the 456 respond "oh bugger" and disappear in a puff of smoke.
In fact that might have been more entertaining especially if it was followed up by Kirsty and Phil off of Location Location Location finding Torchwood a new base, then Kim and Aggy telling us how to clean it and pretending they use vinegar because if they tell us how Flash with Bleach is the best cleaning product on the market (which it is) the official sponsor Kleeneze would pull out and let's face it, who else would pay for that drivel to be shown on our TVs?

So if you haven't watched Torchwood The Children of Earth yet and intend to, do yourself a favour, replace episode 5 with any random scene from Alien3 and just pretend Gwen's suddenly turned into a macho lesbian stereotype capable of breeding a whole new species of oversized cockroach with teeth. Trust me, you'll be far better off.