Wednesday, 17 December 2008

2th Ave

Seconth Avenue?

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

Mark Seliger Photography

elvis bill murray
pharrell and catherine deneuve

A big gallery of celebrities shot photographer by Mark Seliger. You can check out more of his work on his official website

Sunday, 14 December 2008


I've realised most of the stuff I do is aimed at a particular audience and not mainstream at all. Perhaps I should do something with a wider audience.

In the meantime, Adam and Joe fans - here's one for you.


Friday, 31 October 2008

Saw this outside of a charity shop

"Please can you spare some pet food for us" - they're desperate, just look at the cute kitty cat having to eat a severed human hand!

Monday, 6 October 2008

A-ha, Take on Me

A literal interpretation of the video

Sunday, 28 September 2008

Saturday, 20 September 2008

Godspants off of b3ta makes Mirror journalist look like a twat

I couldn't be arsed thinking of a clever title, sorry.

I'm not a fan of any tabloid in particular, likewise I'm not very bothered about disliking any. I think indifferent is the word I'm looking for. Except maybe the paps who drive like twats and make people's lives a misery by following them round and shouting things like "get yer tits out". No, hang on - that's builders. Except for the bit about following people round because that particular breed of twat can't even follow up a request for a B&Q receipt, a store which would appear to increase its prices by 400% then reduce them all again between the time the twat goes to buy plasterboard and shit and the time I go to look at pot plants and wonder whether I should use all the reduced price left over single rolls of wallpaper to paper a room, and whether people might consider it artistic or just think I'm a twat who really shouldn't be allowed to decorate the inside of a cupboard, let alone a living room that people can actually see from the street.

Anyway, I was on about The Daily Mirror...

Nice bloke Rob Leigh from The Daily Mirror was kind enough to post my animations on his Big Brother blog after spotting them and either having a giggle himself or just needing some old shit to write about, so they can't all be twats.

However, David Anderson, another Daily Mirror reporter type also needed some old shit to write about - specifically the Omonia Nicosia v Man City game (football I believe) and dutifully made the most of his journalistic talents and copied from Wikipedia. Ah... Probably something you can pull off frequently as a journo, as long as you check a few other sources and change a few words no one will ever find out. I guess.

This time, however, someone preempted this behaviour and laid a trap. Wiki vandalism at its best...

"godspants" who appears to be a long serving lurker of b3ta, a website for funny fuckers who can use Photoshop, was responsible for the set up and quite rightly bragged about it afterwards. In his words:
When the UEFA cup draw was made a few weeks ago, me and a friend changed some of the information on the wikipedia page for Manchester City's opponents, AC Omonia.

We included this titbit in the "Fans" section - "A small but loyal group of fans are lovingly called "The Zany Ones" - they like to wear hats made from discarded shoes and have a song about a little potato.".

Today, the Mirror has used part of this in their pre-match buildup.

Fucking excellent.

If I wore a hat made from discarded shoes I would remove it just so as to coin a particular phrase involving removing hats at godspants. However I don't, because I'm not a hat-wearing twat.

Wednesday, 3 September 2008

National Lottery in 50p Catch 22 Shocker!

I play online, and why not? Winning the lottery would save actually getting out of bed every morning so playing semi-automatically online saves getting off my arse and asking for a lucky dip. Yes I can't even be bothered to pick numbers myself.

Here's the tricky bit - I've got 50p left in my lottery account, so I need to add some cash. I type in all the right numbers and oh - "your card has expired please update it." 

No problem, it did expire and no surprise I didn't bother to update Lotto. So I type in all the new details and - "sorry you cannot change your card as your account is not empty" or something along those lines.

Now I'm stuck - I can't spend the 50p because there's nothing for less than a quid, I can't put the money back into my account because my card details have expired and I can't update my details because I have 50p in there.

Which means I actually have to make the effort to pick up the phone and speak to a person! Actually maybe there's an email link...

Sunday, 24 August 2008

Lisa: "the flowers knew it"

I was fortunate enough today to have been sleeping during Shaun "Mario Marconi" Astbury's incredibly sentimental and sincere proposal to Lisa Appleton live on television by means of placards through a window.

But of course since I view the Digital Spy forum at least 20 times a day I discover Lisa's made a wonderfully logic and sensible comment about the bouquet of flowers she caught at the fake wedding in the BB House between Shaun and the lovely Stephanie...

Apparently, Steven Hawking I hope you're reading this, apparently the flowers knew it was her turn next.

Yeah, that's right. The flowers knew. Did the bees tell them Lisa? Perhaps the wasps were hanging around when you were doing that task with chewing gum because they were trying to send you a message. Wasps get on well with bees Lisa. Well, they support the same team at least judging by their tiny yellow and black shirts.

So, nothing to do with you being 6 foot 2, towering over the rest of the housemates then?

Still, I believe congratulations are in order.

Congratulations, Shaun, on your embarrassingly shallow proposal. I'm sure you and Lisa will make a great couple and have a wonderful wedding, despite the fact that your already married.

Saturday, 23 August 2008

Mario to propose to Lisa on TV

Evicted Big Brother 2008 housemate Shaun Astbury (AKA Mario Marconi) is to re-enter the BB house to propose to his girlfriend.

Astbury, who has been clawing his way onto reality TV shows for several years before making it onto Big Brother, will be given entry to the garden on Sunday where he will propose silently by holding up cards.

I'm sorry but his proposal to Lisa live on TV is the shallowest of proposals ever.

If BB bosses making you propose by holding up cards instead of using your own voice - and asking properly - isn't enough for you to say "actually, you know what, forget it" then you are the attention seeking fool that we all* believe you to be.

It shows without a shadow of a doubt that Shaun Astbury (Mario) is more interested in becoming famous than he is in his proposal of marriage to his girlfriend. It's an insult to people who want to propose with the right sentiment.

Lisa, though, will think it's amazing. Unless of course it's just as the majority believe - that it's blatantly obvious it was planned from before they went in the house. Is that why her eyebrows are permanently fixed - so she can portray a look of surprise?

Out of all the housemates he is the biggest wannabe. It's quite sad really, so shallow, so transparent.

I'd rather watch Rex egocentrically console Nicole as she sulks about a can of cider. At least that's honesty in motion.

* with the exception of Iain Lee who can be fogiven because I love him.

Wednesday, 20 August 2008

A dog wearing a wig

I don't know why it's so funny, it just is!

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Queen doesn't visit Olympic Arena

Today at 10:34am, the Queen of England didn't take a luxury jet to Beijing where She promptly didn't meet with Tom Daley to not discuss the phone call made by his swimming partner Aldridge who isn't related to Buzz Aldridge who isn't Buzz Aldren's younger brother Buzz.

After not meeting with Daley, Her Majesty didn't have a quick dip Herself, not joining the Local Pensioners Arthritic Swimming Team who weren't using the pool at the time.

After not returning Her luxury hotel The Queen didn't down a whole can of John Smith's Cider in one, not following it up with a whole box of Marks and Spencers mince pies that aren't just mince pies.

Prince Phillip, who wasn't there didn't make any comment.

Monday, 11 August 2008

Waiter there's a rainbow in my water

Feeling dumb today? Watch this video, you'll feel better.

A crazy (but probably quite nice) American woman is a little concerned about the perfectly natural refraction of light through beads of water that causes a mysterious rainbow!


Sunday, 10 August 2008

You can have your cake and eat it

...because no-one else is going to touch it.

I know the Millennium Dome was a disaster but did they really mean to incorporate that into the "overall feeling" of this alleged representation?

A dog could have made a better depiction of The Dome, in fact many dogs probably have what with their ability to randomly excrete white poo. At least they used to do that back in the 80s.

And after Mikey sneezing and dribbling into the mixture despite Kat's efforts to get him to understand basic hygeine, I'm fairly sure that 20 year old crusty white dog poo would be far less likely to make someone ill.

Here's what Lisa and Mario had to say about it:

Photoshop a Housemate 14

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