Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Jedward get a haircut

Day 11 - John Jedward and Edward Jedward's cress hair was getting very long and messy...

Desperate action was taken.

Which means... hair sandwich. Yum!

Om nom nom nom nom nom!

Monday, 16 November 2009

Jedward's Babies naming party at Jamie Afro's

John Jedward and Edward Jedward have been letting their cress down round Jamie Afro's celebrating the naming of the Jedward Babies.
They're called Little John Jedward and Little Edward Jedward. So not obvious at all.

Saturday, 14 November 2009

Friday, 13 November 2009

Jewdard taken out of XFactor!

Jedward Cressheads have been rushed to hospital

At 19:06 this evening John and Edward Cresshead were both rushed to hospital after complaining of stomach cramps.

We will update as soon as more information is available.

This is them only hours ago relaxing with Scott Mills down at the Radio 1 studio.

For more on Jedward Cressheads please become a fan of Jed and Cress on Facebook

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Day 5 - Now that's what I call hair!

Day 5 and John and Edward have already got a full head of cress!

Monday, 9 November 2009

Jedward Cressheads - Day 4 - Down at The Cube

Day 4. We've been down to that The Cube with Phillip of Schofield. He's having a right good boogie to Ghostbusters that we did. He loves it!

Sunday, 8 November 2009

Jedward Cressheads - Day 3

Day 3 - still mostly seeds :(

Saturday, 7 November 2009

Jedward Cressheads - Day 2 - At Jamie Afro's Mum's House

Day 2 - We've been round Jamie Afro's mum's house

XFactor Movie Titles

Jamie and the Afronaughts

Lloyd of the Rings

The Derminator



Friday, 6 November 2009

Jedward Cressheads - Day 1

Day 1.

Us down at the studio.

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

LOL captcha

"More testes" was a captcha image I remember getting but this one's even better!

A follow-up to the MET Office

Recently I sent this letter to the MET Office (they do the weather) because of the bad weather we've been having. I got a generic response but nothing that dealt with my complaint, so I wrote another. Let's see if this gets a proper response...

Dear Met Office,

Thank you for your kind reply. It has now been a week since this response and I feel I should press you further as the weather hasn't improved much. In fact only yesterday it was incredibly windy and rainy and a couple of days ago it started raining as soon as I left out of my house, which wasn't a very nice thing to do thankyouverymuch.

I get the distinct impression that you are now punishing me for either requesting that you supply sun over Manchester or for suggesting that you are keeping all the sun to yourselves. I must point out that if this is the case it is not only me you are affecting - except for the bit where it rained as soon as I stepped out of my door - but also my neighbours and other people who live in Manchester who I don't know and who have nothing to do with this dispute.

At this moment in time (8:30pm) the weather is actually quite nice, but as the sun is nowhere to be seen I suspect that you have simply stopped providing the weather completely, at least for this evening. However this is better than having weather so you messed up on that one and by the time you read this it'll be too late to turn it back on for tonight so I'm having a barbeque.

I must stress that if you continue to leave my query unresolved I will not only be writing to the Prime Minister but also Anne Robinson who's now doing Watchdog again.

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Whobunit? The case of the Sticky Fingers.

By Mary Palmer, author of Dairy Farming for Beginners

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

A letter to the MET Office

Dear MET office,
Recently we have been having lots of rain and wind.
I live in Manchester, I'm sure you know where that is. If you don't please look it up on one of your special maps.

I am writing to ask you to stop providing us with awful weather and give us more sun instead.

Obviously the weather has to be shared across the country, but I have been keeping count and it is definately not being done fairly.

I suspect that you are using up all the hot weather in Devon which is where you all live according to your website.

I know it is you doing it because on the television it says the weather is supplied by you.

Please stop this it is not fair and if it continues I will be reporting it to Prime Minister Gordon Brown (texture like sun).

Yours sincerely,

Nigel Hill.

Sunday, 13 September 2009

Most Farted

I've just added up all the views from my Most Farted videos: my uploads and the dodgy pirate copies people have uploaded. It adds up to just over 1 million views!

Not bad really. I think the plug on the Chris Moyles show helped quite a lot so thanks to him, and there was an increase in views when it was shown first on UKTVG2 and again after they renamed it Dave.

So I made a Most Farted facebook page for it.

If you haven't watched it, out of everything I've ever done - if you only ever watch one video, watch this:

Tuesday, 8 September 2009

Whodunut? The Case of the Missing Pecan

by Mary Palmer, author of Dairy Farming for Beginners.

Monday, 17 August 2009

How To Raise Your IQ By Eating Gifted Children

It's a real book!


Someone took the effort to leave a review.

By H. Lecter - See all my reviews

I was never a particularly intelligent child. I was shoved through school with average grades and finally gained a degree in business studies, but despite trying many different diets and supplements to increase my intelligence, I never found anything that would allow me to really excell in life, until I read this book.

At first I was skeptical of the book, as the ideas presented are controversial in the fields of both neuroscience and nutrition, but the evidence speaks for itself. Within weeks of eating the brains of gifted children I found I could read even the more intelligent newspapers with ease, and soon after I could even digest short works of fiction. I am now following my lifelong dream and applying to teacher training college, and I couldn't have done it without this book.

PS. The recipe ideas are great!

Friday, 14 August 2009

When the Daleks met Stavros Flatley...

Davros Flatley takes part in the talent contest Who's Got Talent. But with such competition as The Face of Boyle who knows who will win? Ooh the suspense!

Click here for comments, ratings and more.

Nice people who've linked this
Life, Doctor Who & Combom: Whos Got Talent Davros Flatley Doctor Who

Monday, 20 July 2009

Homewrecking bitch Penguin Linda!

Boy Penguin Harry meets Boy Penguin Pepper.

Boy Penguins raise baby penguin.

Homewrecking bitch Penguin Linda, widowed, woos Boy Penguin Harry.

Boy Penguin Harry goes off with homewrecking bitch Penguin Linda.

Boy Penguin Harry leaves homewrecking bitch Penguin Linda and is reunited with Boy Penguin Pepper.

Here’s a video explaining Harry & Pepper's parenting skills before that tart Linda came along:

Sunday, 19 July 2009

Karly Ashworth's tattoo revealed!

So, Carbon Copy Karly's "boyfriend" Kenneth Tong has gone into the house just as Karly is evicted. Boo freaking hoo like he cares anyway. The way he speaks of Karly isn't that of lovers at all. Am I actually now feeling sympathy for Karly?

Anyhoo, using NASA technology we've managed to zoom in on an image of Karly's tattoo and clean it up. The results are, well, expected.

Click here to view the tattoo.

Compare the Siakat

One of Siavash's funniest moments in the Diary Room

Sunday, 5 July 2009

Goodbye iTunes, Hello Ziepod

For ages now I've moaned (mostly to myself) about iTunes taking up a whopping 3 million gigabytes of precious hard-drive space. I may have also been exaggerating to myself too.

I only use it as a podcast aggregator, so it's a little outrageously large for my needs.

After a bit of searching a Download Squad blog led me to Ziepod, which is bloody great. I usually listen to podcasts at home as opposed to the usual out-and-about because I'm quite content with what's available via the magic invisible FM radio waves.

Ziepod lets me stream podcasts instead of downloading by default, saving more precious hard-drive space. It docks neatly and doesn't ask me to download Quicktime and Safari every time I start it. It also let me export my subscriptions, unlike iTunes, which was useful when I decided to put it on the other PC.

Monday, 15 June 2009

Torchwood, Children Of Earth

As much as all the unneccesary post-watershed snogging in series 1 put me off a little, I will still watch Torchwood as I'm a huge Dr Who fan.

I thoroughly enjoyed a whole four days of Captain Jack getting shot, coming back to life, getting blown up, coming back to like, getting encased in a perfect cube of concrete and coming back to life without it filling up his many overused orifices or drying out his perfectly smooth delicately moustourised arse.

I say I enjoyed four days because quite frankly I'd rather have been left with the cliffhanger at the end of episode 4 than the tragically disappointing finale that may as well have consisted of the Americans telling the 456 "Hey you know what we've got a really huge weapon that can blow up your planet so you'd better skidaddle" to which the 456 respond "oh bugger" and disappear in a puff of smoke.
In fact that might have been more entertaining especially if it was followed up by Kirsty and Phil off of Location Location Location finding Torchwood a new base, then Kim and Aggy telling us how to clean it and pretending they use vinegar because if they tell us how Flash with Bleach is the best cleaning product on the market (which it is) the official sponsor Kleeneze would pull out and let's face it, who else would pay for that drivel to be shown on our TVs?

So if you haven't watched Torchwood The Children of Earth yet and intend to, do yourself a favour, replace episode 5 with any random scene from Alien3 and just pretend Gwen's suddenly turned into a macho lesbian stereotype capable of breeding a whole new species of oversized cockroach with teeth. Trust me, you'll be far better off.

Wednesday, 4 March 2009

Big Brother Bother

Statistically most people reading this blog will have come across it from looking at a Big Brother 2008 animation. So, big news for you.

Today, one of my videos came up as "The user has disabled embedding by request". That's wrong, I didn't do that. So I checked the video and found I was unable to revert the change and that my video is no longer available to watch in the UK.


Because after speaking to me on several occasions telling me how appreciative they were, encouraging me to make more videos, reassuring me that I was fine to use screenshots from Big Brother to make the videos, doing an interview with me for the website, showing two of my videos on Big Brother's Little Brother, asking me to appear on BBLB and phoning me up again at the start of CBB6 to see if I was going to do any for that, Channel 4 have filed a copyright claim on one of my videos. A video I made with music I recorded. Yes, it uses faces of the BB contestants, but I was told this was fine otherwise I would have drawn cartoon versions.

I doubt anyone would agree that the use of static images that would fit on a stamp at 300dpi is worth destroying the hard work put into fan art and the loyalty/obsession of this Big Brother fan.

Needless to say if this isn't sorted out there will be no more Big Brother videos and after 9 years I will be handing in my notice as a fan.


I contested the copyright claim through Youtube and they reinstated my video. Nothing more has come of it, but it has left me a little wary of producing more BB videos for future series'.

Monday, 2 March 2009

Dog years, WFT?

Dog years. What's the point of dog years? Who invented dog years? Bloody dog lovers probably - you know the type - the kind of person who sees absolutely nothing wrong with letting their mouth be licked by the tongue of an animal that will happily eat sick and poo then cleans itself with the same tongue "it's kissing me", no actually it's trying to make you vomit so it can eat it (look it up).

So- one dog year = 7 human actual years.
How old's your dog?
He's 6, but that's 42 in dog years.
No, it's six. It's been alive for 6 years. We all know how long six years is. No-one else does this nonsense...

Oh nice tattoo, when did you get that done?
Ooh about 3 years ago, that's 18 in tattoo years. I had it done that time I went to LA for a month, which is 8 months in LA months with the current exchange rate. Anyway must go, I need to get some food for my cat. It's 386 years old today.


Enter a memorable password...

Arrgh! I hate websites/systems that force users to format passwords in the way the system wants. "Your password must contain a mixture of upper and lower case". This doesn't increase the security it actually increases the chances of being able to guess it.

I'm changing my address on the DVLA government website and it's come up with this:

Enter a memorable password. The password must:

* be between 8 and 12 characters
* contain a combination of letters and numbers
* contain two or more numbers which are separated by one or more letters
* not contain spaces or the word 'password'
* not contain three adjacent letters or numbers the same (eg 'aaa' or '999')

I'm sorry, didn't you just say MEMORABLE? How the eff am I supposed to choose a memorable password when at least one of the rules prevent me from using every password that I already have stored in my brain - the ones that would therefore be memorable.

Saturday, 28 February 2009

MoneySense Advice from Natwest

In the large Liverpool branch of the NatWest bank, staff are seen discussing finance with customers and offering friendly advice. The narrator declares that NatWest has MoneySense advisors in 1000 branches, and that they are not there to sell but to offer free impartial financial guidance.

Financial guidance?
"Electric, gas- Do you shop around for them?"


"Well, you should."

With that amazingly high level of experienced financial advice I'm surprised Natwest haven't lost, ooh, about £7billion in a year.

Video: MoneySense Advice from Natwest

Thursday, 22 January 2009

As Good Today as Always from Hovis

This ad starts off with a boy in 1886 (when Hovis was formed) holding a loaf under his arm.

During his journey home events from periods of British history occur around him.

He ends up at home in the modern day not having aged a bit, and plonks the loaf of bread on the table.

Well I'm sorry but I don't care how many preservatives you put in it, it would be off by then.

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Bad Loser! (DS Lite)

I bought one of these DS Lites over Xmas and a copy of Mario Kart DS cos I used to play it a decade ago on SNES. It's lime green (yuk) but at least that's better than pink. There were no other colours available.

I can manage to steer the thing around the track and do okay. After a week a friend told me you can play with other players over Wifi - I completely missed that point! So when I got home, I did just that. I wasn't very good but I knew this anyway but still came 3rd (out of 4!).

On the 4th round of my second game, 2 people had already bailed by that time and I was left playing against some guy who had what looks like a custom kart - I'm assuming as you play it upgrades your options - not only did it look like a custom kart but he was the last to choose character so I'm also guessing he was sat there working out what options worked best to his advantage.

I wasn't bothered, it's a game and I expected to lose because he or she was good.

Anyway, several seconds in to the first lap of last round (s)he fell off the edge. Guess what happened next...

"Your opponent has disconnected."

He'd turned off his DS so that he didn't get a lose. Chances are I would have fallen off at least once also, but I would have carried on anyway.

What a f------g bad loser.

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Department of Health Change4Life - Subliminal Advertising?

Subliminal advertising is banned in the UK, I'm guessing this only applies to split-second images.

Only recently we had the loan ads with that bloke allegedly on the phone to a loan company commenting "a little rain never hurt anyone". Yeah, like taking a loan doesn't affect your life! What on earth was the call centre operator asking that bloke anyway?

More recently there's that cartoon type advert from the DoH telling us to stop sitting around playing Xbox, getting fat and being lazy sods. Fair enough, but I spotted this little, rather innacurate, subliminal hint-

A car is seen crossing the sceen with the words "COMFY CAR" on it. Fine, usually cars are comfy, but then a bus enters the frame with the words "MORE COMFY BUS" on it.

Not only is this subtle hint completely wrong - I've never sat on a bus that's "more comfy" than a car, in this instance the bus is also seen overtaking the car!

I know they have good intensions, but that's cheeky subliminal advertising IMO.

The Change4Life ad can be seen on visit4info